

The illness are all fictional and funny, like Turtle Head, where patients need a plunger to pull their heads into the right position, or Jest Infection, where people are turning into clowns. Through all of this is a very British humor - think 'Dad jokes' if your old man had a short career on a sitcom set in Surrey. The fact that my latest project has a painting of a dog on every wall is actually a sign of my strategic genius, rather than mental decline. All have an effect - nothing you do or place is for show, everything matters - reducing patient boredom, or raising hospital attractiveness. This is earned by completing special challenges, like impressing VIPs or treating a certain number of emergency patients in a given time limit, and allows you to unlock special items for your hospitals - a tiny Sega arcade machine, an anatomy model, fancy pop art paintings, that sort of thing. Two Point Hospital has two different currencies to manage: the cold hard cash you'll spend on building, hiring and that you earn for curing people, and Kudosh, which you'll quickly become obsessed with. Once that feels like second nature, the game adds small complications, like different climates (so radiators and air conditioning become a key part of your to do list) and big ones, like earthquakes and electric storms. Then comes the pandemics - where you have to spot the infected in the crowd and administer vaccines - the infestations of 'monobrow' bugs and, toughest of all, the challenges of running a non-profit hospital. Before you know it, you're overseeing a huge, sprawling town of buildings, filled with different medical offices and machines. The hospitals themselves get steadily more complicated, but the learning curve is just right.

As you conquer each hospital (you can score up to three stars on each, but one is enough to progress), you can go back to the toy town-like map to choose what to tackle next. Emergencies will happen, celebrities will visit, and you'll need a marketing department to get the word out. Staff will want training, and breaks, and promotions, so you'll need to set aside the cash for their increasing demands. Slowly your doctors will uncover new illnesses, so you'll need to build additional treatment rooms. You build a hospital, hire the staff, and sit back while the cash rolls in. Like all the best sim games, it seems simple at first.
